Not Enough
by adventure-timer225
Summary: Little companion one-shot to Lies by Lolita-nie-en-bloc. Bella POV. HIGHLY recommended to read Lies first. It's awesome. :)


_**A/N:** STOP! Before you move on, please read Lies by Lolita-nie-en-bloc first. It would make more sense if you read the original before the companion, am I right? And review if you did read Lies, just to tell me if I made a sucky version of the original. Thank youuuu. :D_

**_Disclaimer! Absolutely NOTHING belongs to me! Oh my god!_**

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Not Enough

He loved me. But he lied.

They said I was crazy, obsessive, delusional. They lied too.

Why? Why me? Why did everyone have to lie to me?

Sure, I may have lied to Renee and Charlie about school and my social life, but I wasn't hurting anybody. I just wanted them to be proud of me. I needed to live up to their expectations, to at least keep them from pretending. I don't know why they even bothered. They didn't want me in the first place and then when I say what they want to hear I am suddenly appreciated.

I was appreciated for lying, for being a wannabe. That's how I was noticed. Just some cheerleading wannabe at school and the popular girl at home.

And Angela, I lied to her, too. I knew he didn't like her, but let her dream anyway. She was the delusional one, he was already mine. I was just sparing my best friend's feeling from the hurtful truth. She was infatuated with him. I was in love with him.

My love wasn't enough, though. He also needed it from every other popular girl in school, especially Lauren Mallory. That selfish, plastic whore. She didn't deserve him. He was kind and caring and beautiful, he was himself with me. On the outside he would seem to be another prick that every girl wanted, but he was already mine.

If he would let us be together. It was like some big secret, and I was too shameful to be around.

They didn't like me, because they didn't know anything about me. Rosalie Hale thought I was "psychologically affected", as she called it. At least Emmett and Alice tried to be nice to me.

But he saw me for me. He saw Bella Swan, not the girl that tried to follow the crowd. He saw my flaws, my problems, my worries, my everything. He was my other half, my support. He laughed with me, talked to me, made love to me. And all of it… was just another lie.

Was it because he just felt bad? Was it some practical joke? Is that why he said no, twelve times?

He probably never loved me, no one ever did. I was always alone, and whenever I was happy with someone else they were torn from me, always my fault.

I wanted him to stay, so I wouldn't be alone anymore. We may have fought, but always made up after. Until that one day, when he said it was over. He was done with me. I was broken, and I left him alone. He tried to talk to me again, but I didn't want to be hurt anymore. I sat at home thinking everything over. And then the pieces formed in my mind.

It was all a game to him! He didn't want me, he wanted to mess with me, didn't he? I formed this… hallucination of love for him, didn't I?

But it couldn't be just a hallucination, because I kept coming back. No matter how much he hurt me, I always came back. And I was angry at him for just that. It was like some kind of trance. And I didn't want it, even though it was the best thing that has happened to me. I wanted to forget him, just for a moment. The other guys could not get him out of my mind, so I formed a different plan. He would want me, I knew he would. If he just looked at me with them he would come back to me again.

And there was the party. If I went I would see him there. Of course he would be there.

That whore Lauren Mallory! She was just some bimbo, a girl among many others he said. And he lied about that too! Of course, he told me I was sincere. But he already lied to me so many times.

I couldn't trust anyone anymore, because the world is full of liars and deceivers. Including me. They lied to me, I lied to them, and I lied to myself.

I thought I could handle this, be a normal teenage girl with no worries and just be myself. I've always thought I was the problem. No, they were the ones that were causing me pain. They were the ones tearing me apart, and I had to pick up the pieces. And when I finally felt _happy_, it was torn away from me. By him. He was going to pay. Everyone would pay.

That was how I ended up where I am. In the middle of a classroom, with the cold metal hugged between my hands. People were cowering, screaming, more like begging at my knees. I felt in control, in my place. I was angry with my blood boiling and my face red. He told me no, twelve times. Each time he told me it was when he was loving me. He was lying to me, while getting what he wanted, and telling me no all at once. _Twelve times. _

A loud shot sounded, and one person fell to the ground. Their face now obliterated and unrecognizable. From then, I was empowered. I wanted my revenge for the people who had hurt me. Another shot, another one dead. And Lauren's brain was finally splattered in pieces, not like she had one. She deserved to die, she stole him from me. People screamed in fear, in sadness. Now they would know how I feel. Alone and torn.

I was yelling at everyone, threatening their lives with the small gun in my hand. I even threatened Rosalie, but I didn't kill her. She should live with this in her mind. Her name calling and put downs dwelled on me all the time. So why not show her my power over her? Instead I scarred her, and splattered Eric's blood over her pretty face.

People were dropping like flies from around me, their blood spilling over and the ones who cared were sobbing over their lost lives.

The tension rose when I aimed at his friend, Jasper. He had protested against it, saying I didn't want to do that. He wasn't controlling me anymore, though, and I told him his time would come. But something in his voice, made me turn to someone else. I spared one life, only to destroy another.

One more bullet. One that I had intended for him. He had caused this, right? The epitome of my pain, the one who had lied and never wanted to actually be with me. I bet he thought I was too much of a loser to be with him in public. He had to die, right?

The last bullet was already aimed at his head, where he was standing in front of me some distance away.

I stood there with the gun pointed to his head, and reran everything I have done. Maybe it was just who I was. I was a loser. I was a wannabe. I was not enough. I wasn't good enough for him for us to actually be together. I wasn't good enough for the world to accept me for me.

And after what I have done now? I would spend the rest of my life rotting in a jail cell and regretting every moment of my pathetic life. I looked up to him with tears threatening to escape. He actually looked like who I thought he was. The caring, carefree man I fell in love with at school.

Did he really care? I put the gun down to my side. The world had many liars, but with one look I could sense he was being truthful, trying to make me stop. It was probably my mind playing tricks. Even if I wanted him gone, I couldn't bring myself to destroy him.

But it left one last bullet, for one last life.

Edward Cullen was not enough for me and I was not enough for him. Nothing was ever enough to actually be happy.

And with that thought, the last bullet was shot when I raised it to my head.

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_**A/N:** So, whadya think? In case it's not clear, she did this because she was sick of not being loved and wanted to be happy without lies. This story is all thanks to Lolita-nie-en-bloc. If you didn't read her story, LIES, first, well then you missed out on the fun. Good job. Still, read it though. :D_

_Beep._


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